Category: Uncategorized

Hipster Running Out of Ways to be Quirky and Original

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Cake sleeping. No one is doing that, right?

Cake sleeping. No one is doing that, right?

Tyler McGrund, a hipster, has found himself at a loss for any more things to do that are off-beat and avant garde. Having cycled rapidly through absurd facial hair styles, clothing representing numerous historical periods, a pet skunk and traveling everywhere by pogo stick, he suddenly discovered himself at a loss for new ways to come off as free from the bounds of society.

“It just gets tiring, you know,” said McGrund, eating his lunch of croutons dipped in caramel fondue. “My fixed gear bike was just awful on hills, but then everyone got one and I had to switch to one of those old-timey bikes with the huge front wheel just to keep ahead. Do you know how hard those things are in traffic? And you can’t just stop and put a foot down at a red light, you have to get all the way off it at every stop. I’m actually glad they became a ‘thing’ with yuppies and I had to go pogo.”

And it’s an arms race of originality that has cost him financially as well. Current estimates put his annual spend on terrariums, glass-blowing lessons, trips to Brussels (McGrund claims he’s “All about Belgium right now”) and mismatched patent leather shoes at upwards of 45% of his annual income. It’s also hurt his personal life.

“My girlfriend was all into it for a while saying I was, like, the only true individual she’s ever dated so on our fourteen and a half week anniversary I took her urban spelunking. We wound up to our necks in wastewater in an abandoned electrical service tunnel and after that she stopped returning my texts. Now I only use payphones.”

He was recently fired for showing up to work in a suit of bees

He was recently fired for showing up to work in a suit of bees

McGrund is part of a growing number of urban individuals suffering from what experts call “Hip Check.” Marcia Wellington, professor of Sociology at SUNY explains: “You can only go on so long being the driving force of cultural adoption before you just burn out,” she said on a call to her office in Albany. “You spend all this time discovering a band, restaurant or hairstyle from feudal Japan and next thing you know some asshole digital marketing manager for a pharmaceutical company has adopted it and is telling his friends in sales. At least before social media the process used to take a few months, now you can probably only ride a really good bit of artsy bullshit for three weeks, tops.”

McGrund did not know what the future held as he looked out over his shared backyard full of Chinese dragon costumes, homemade hovercraft and mobiles made from taxidermy.

“I might become a farrier. For a while.”

Making Us Proud: Gloucester Shows The Country How Police Should Operate

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It’s no big secret that our beautiful seaside city has a wee bit of a heroin problem.

On my street alone, there have been two fatal overdoses in the last calendar year. A few years back when I rented a retail business space, I went to replace a drop-ceiling tile, and a syringe fell out and skittered across the floor. It’s depressing – occasionally we use gallows humor here at your The Clam in order to not scream about it all or overload ourselves with how deep, and tragic, and just so fucking unrelenting it is. Dealing with junkie neighbors and in some cases family, and the problems that addiction can bring can be draining. Dealing with junkie neighbors at home AND at work is even more draining. Of course, that’s absolutely nothing compared to what families have to go through.

Just a normal beach day. (Photo courtesy of Because Gloucester/Shellee Viator)

Just a normal beach day. (Photo courtesy of Because Gloucester/Shellee Viator)

Our local police force has dealt with opiate dependency, at least from everything I’ve seen and heard firsthand, with an amazing amount of patience, grace, and understanding. I cannot imagine that Gloucester is an easy city to police, especially when it comes to the problems and crimes that addiction leads to. Our country has seen an unacceptable amount of horrific news stories involving police forces acting in unconscionable ways – but here in Gloucester, we’ve been absolutely blessed with a group of caring individuals who still treat people like people. If every police department across the country was the Gloucester Police, we’d be a much better country. I won’t say they’re perfect, but they’re pretty freakin’ awesome overall.

And so, after Saturday’s city-wide opiate summit, the Gloucester Police Facebook page posted the following statement from chief Campanello:

On Saturday, May 2, the City held a forum regarding the opiate crisis, and on how Gloucester has many resources for help. We are poised to make revolutionary changes in the way we treat this DISEASE. Your Police Department vowed to take the following measures to assist, beginning June 1, 2015:

– Any addict who walks into the police station with the remainder of their drug equipment (needles, etc) or drugs and asks for help will NOT be charged. Instead we will walk them through the system toward detox and recovery. We will assign them an “angel” who will be their guide through the process. Not in hours or days, but on the spot. Addison Gilbert and Lahey Clinic have committed to helping fast track people that walk into the police department so that they can be assessed quickly and the proper care can be administered quickly.

– Nasal Narcan has just been made available at local pharmacies without a prescription. The police department has entered into an agreement with Conleys and is working on one with CVS that will allow anyone access to the drug at little to no cost regardless of their insurance. The police department will pay the cost of nasal narcan for those without insurance. We will pay for it with money seized from drug dealers during investigations. We will save lives with the money from the pockets of those who would take them. We recognize that nasal narcan is not the answer, but it is saving lives and no one in this City will be denied a life saving drug for this disease just because of a lack of insurance. Conleys has also agreed to assist with insurance requests from those who do not have any.

– I will personally travel to Washington DC, with the support of Mayor Theken, the City Council, Sen. Bruce Tarr, and Rep. Ann-Margaret Ferrante, on May 12 and 13. There I will meet with Senators Elizabeth Warren and Ed Markey and Congressman Seth Moulton. I will bring what Gloucester is accomplishing and challenge them to change, at the federal level, how we receive aid, support and assistance. I will bring the idea of how far Gloucester is willing to go to fight this disease and will ask them to hold federal agencies, insurance companies and big business accountable for building a support system that can eradicate opiate addiction and provide long term, sustainable support to reduce recidivism.

I am asking for your help. Like this post, send it to everyone you can think of and ask them to do the same. Speak your comments. Create strength in numbers. I will bring it with me to show how many voters are concerned about this issue. Lives are literally at stake. I have been on both sides of this issue, having spent 7 years as a plainclothes narcotics detective. I have arrested or charged many addicts and dealers. I’ve never arrested a tobacco addict, nor have I ever seen one turned down for help when they develop lung cancer, whether or not they have insurance. The reasons for the difference in care between a tobacco addict and an opiate addict is stigma and money. Petty reasons to lose a life.

Please help us make permanent change here in Gloucester.

Thank you,
Chief Campanello

Woah. This is a huge step forward for Gloucester – towards compassionate care for people society tend to give up on, or judge harshly having not been in their shoes. Chief Campanello just came out and said “You have a disease, your life matters. It matters enough for us to drop everything and help you. It matters enough that we’re getting anyone Narcan so we can save more lives.”It’s the best outcome for everyone involved to handle things this way instead of turning a blind eye, or arresting people only for the crime of being caught up in a shitty addiction. I’m sure there will be at least one bag of literal human garbage who will write us a dipshit comment about “THOSE people/handouts/free rides”, but that’s why we screen comments. And this novel approach resonated pretty far – as of last count, it had something like 15.5k shares (for a page with 2k likes). People from all around the country have left thousands of comments wishing their local police department would do the same. Maybe they will. Maybe this is the start.

Everyone involved in Saturday’s meeting should be proud of working on this collaboration. We’re proud of you all for putting Gloucester in the spotlight for being Gloucester – the city that bands together and helps each other out like no other place I’ve ever been.

Bravo.

 

Details Released About Upcoming Film Manchester By the Sea!

Gallery

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All over town you see the trucks and setups for the filming of “Manchester By the Sea,” a movie about the eponymous town apparently set here in Gloucester. The Clam Investigative team has uncovered some juicy details about the production by purchasing scorpion bowls for a few of the crew at a local eating establishment. Here is what we discovered:

  • The reason it’s being filmed in Gloucester is because every time a crew would set up in the correct town residents would call a “suspicious van” in to Manchester Police.
  • Casey Affleck still makes less than the average MBTS resident.
  • The third act includes a heart-wrenching scene of Crosby’s running out of shrimp before Memorial Day Weekend.
  • Set management in Gloucester has proven challenging and sound engineers are already wondering how they are going to remove the constant shouting of “Mahkey Mahk has a biggah dick!” at the cast and crew from passerby.
  • Matt Damon will only eat pumpkin flavored munchkins on set, and Dunkins outlets on Cape Ann have been working overtime to make special off-season batches for him.
  • LA based crew has no idea how a rotary works, had to hire special drivers to guide them through.
  • The original plan of creating a computer animated rendering of Gloucester and adding the actors into the scenes in post production was scrapped when animators could not figure out how to get realistic-enough looking discarded lottery tickets to blow around in the simulated breeze.
  • True Gloucesterites will balk seeing the main character drive an undented Ford 250 with neither a plow mount nor trailer hitch.
  • Distress crew hired to give lower Main Street a “gritty realism” stumped. “Don’t mess with perfection,” one of them was overheard to say.
  • “See that guy? His brother used to bonk Gwyneth Paltrow!”
  • Several days of shooting wasted while cast and crew tried to locate a Starbucks.
  • Plot about man becoming the guardian of his brother’s son an evolution of original story of man becoming guardian of large pile of money.
  • They knew they would get shit on by seagulls, but not so many times a fucking day.
  • Damon was warned by the makers of The Perfect Storm that he’d never find a decent felafel. Did he listen? No, he did not.
  • Jar Jar Binks has shitty Boston accent.

No Snark Sunday: Droneiversary

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Last year, on this date, I flew a drone for the first time with Martin DelVecchio. It’s my first doneversiary.

A few weeks later we were asked to shoot a drone-picture of the new Cape Ann Food Pantry groundbreaking. I remember thinking, “How is it we’ve solved the problem of quadcopter control dynamics but we still have working people who go hungry?” As we were getting “Droning Myrtle” into the air a super-enraged guy who lives next door to the site saw the drone and leapt out of his car. He literally shook his cane at us, shrieking, “I know my constitutional rights!”

He was approaching in a not exactly unthreatening manner when he fell over, obviously painfully. I was going to go help him up, but this would have meant switching over to a landing cycle and he sort of scrabbled off before I could react. I think he was OK.

Somehow I feel like this scene spoke a lot about where we’re at as a culture right now. We have incredible new technology but the same social problems. Some folks are angry and confused, but mad at the wrong things (Dude could rage at a system that won’t pay a living wage to retail and service workers, forcing them onto public support maybe?). Our most passionate arguments seem to be about stupid fake bullshit like Fluoride, not actual pressing issues like changing economies and climate.

Last week we went out to LA on a drone-related project (much more to come on this in upcoming weeks). At the Logan Hudson News there was a drone magazine right out front next to the sudoku puzzles and US Weekly. In LA some dude was flying a lit-up drone down Hollywood Boulevard for no apparent reason (Because LA). There were still people sleeping in the streets and the news was full of Baltimore.

Technology does not change who we are, it just makes it far more efficient for us to be ourselves, for better and worse.

I suppose the takeaway for me was this: alongside our exponentially developing tech we need to keep improving who we are and the ways in which we relate to our fellow beings. Speaking as someone who loves the gizmos and what they can do, it’s all too easy a thing to forget.

 

 

 

We’re back!

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We have returned to the East Coast, after drawing wangs in the sand of the other, lesser ocean.

 

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Regularly scheduled posting from here on out! Yeah!