Details Released About Upcoming Film Manchester By the Sea!

All over town you see the trucks and setups for the filming of “Manchester By the Sea,” a movie about the eponymous town apparently set here in Gloucester. The Clam Investigative team has uncovered some juicy details about the production by purchasing scorpion bowls for a few of the crew at a local eating establishment. Here is what we discovered:

• The reason it’s being filmed in Gloucester is because every time a crew would set up in the correct town residents would call a “suspicious van” in to Manchester Police.
• Casey Affleck still makes less than the average MBTS resident.
• The third act includes a heart-wrenching scene of Crosby’s running out of shrimp before Memorial Day Weekend.
• Set management in Gloucester has proven challenging and sound engineers are already wondering how they are going to remove the constant shouting of “Mahkey Mahk has a biggah dick!” at the cast and crew from passerby.
• Matt Damon will only eat pumpkin flavored munchkins on set, and Dunkins outlets on Cape Ann have been working overtime to make special off-season batches for him.
• LA based crew has no idea how a rotary works, had to hire special drivers to guide them through.
• The original plan of creating a computer animated rendering of Gloucester and adding the actors into the scenes in post production was scrapped when animators could not figure out how to get realistic-enough looking discarded lottery tickets to blow around in the simulated breeze.
• True Gloucesterites will balk seeing the main character drive an undented Ford 250 with neither a plow mount nor trailer hitch.
• Distress crew hired to give lower Main Street a “gritty realism” stumped. “Don’t mess with perfection,” one of them was overheard to say.
• “See that guy? His brother used to bonk Gwyneth Paltrow!”
• Several days of shooting wasted while cast and crew tried to locate a Starbucks.
• Plot about man becoming the guardian of his brother’s son an evolution of original story of man becoming guardian of large pile of money.
• They knew they would get shit on by seagulls, but not so many times a fucking day.
• Damon was warned by the makers of The Perfect Storm that he’d never find a decent felafel. Did he listen? No, he did not.
• Jar Jar Binks has shitty Boston accent.