No Snark Sunday: Ithaca

Hey cats, light posting today because we’re crammed into the minivan on the road conducting an important experiment for the Mars Project in case NASA someday wants to shoot a small family to the red planet. Results so far: A few ironic songs on the playlist is good, but the kids sticking “Dominic the Christmas Donkey” in every third song will make the parent/astronauts rapidly turn course and dive the spacecraft toward the sweet release inside the nuclear furnace of the Sun.

We’re at our pals’ place in Ithaca NY, a town we’ve been coming to at various times since the 80’s. When we think of “hipfrastructure”- meaning a place that has what you need to attract creative and innovative people- this is one of our reference experiences. There are tons of public spaces, they’ve had a bike share program  forever, A huge natural grocer sits in the center of town, there is an ongoing farmer’s market in permanent space by the lake where they take the local currency called “Ithaca Dollars.”

The city occasionally threatens to stop emptying the garbage cans at the Gloucester Farmer's Market. In Ithaca: "How about a building?"

The city occasionally threatens to stop emptying the garbage cans at the Gloucester Farmer’s Market. In Ithaca: “How about a building?”

The reason for all this of course is thirty thousand students with cash coming in from the outside. But college towns have different flavors and we’ve been to a ton of them. You’re always going to get that one strip with bars, head shops, tattoo studios and such and you have that here. But here they’ve also taken that influx of outside cash and have tried to make this a great town to live in for everybody.

Again, they’ve got a lot of things we don’t: Tons of land all around them, for instance. But there are similarities as well- there is a lot of poverty as this is still Rust Belt New York. The manufacturing base has gone away.  They’ve had to make drastic changes as their primary source of middle class lives transitioned to education and scientific/technology pursuits and they really have done the best job I’ve seen of trying to bring as many people along with them in the transition rather than the usual, “fuck it, you’re on your own now” business. we’re so used to in the American economy.

Are there a lot of hippies? Yeah, there are a lot of hippies. But they are actually good for many things: making crafts, running the bike share and getting your shitty old Subaru fixed and promising to pay the dude when you got home because you are an idiot high schooler visiting his summer-camp girlfriend over Christmas break and you are not hip to things like “water pumps” and then when you send the guy a check a week later he sends it back to you ripped up with a note that just says “Karma”.

So think of hippies as an essential reference species that tells you the strength of your hipfrastructure. Kind of like frogs in swamps, if you see them you know it’s healthy. No frogs means something toxic is going on.

Oh, and hey: The current mayor here is awesome. Literally a poor African American kid from town with addicted parents, living on the street at one point, who got himself to Cornell on a scholarship (Oh NOES! AFFIRMATIVE ACTION!) and is now the youngest mayor in the country at 27. He’s worked his ass off to build bridges between the town and the schools and check this out: He doesn’t drive so he uses his municipal parking space to sit outside and drink coffee with the passerby. After the Ferguson riots he included the police chief.

Most chill use of municipal property ever

Most chill use of municipal property ever

Obviously Gloucester is a different place, but not all that different when you think about it. Like Ithaca our core industry has been demolished, we’re surrounded by education and Science/Medical/Technology on all sides and we’re trying to figure out what to do. What makes me enjoy visiting here is seeing the extend they’ve embraced the future while keeping what’s important about the past.

Also Carl Sagan puppet shows.

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Clam Vacation Time!

It’s the summer, our kids are out of school, and we have a huge project looming that will make us hopefully look badass. We got projects within projects so we can work while we work. Xzibit would be proud.

Also Jim went to Ithaca for Fourth of July.

So we’re going to be on a mad light posting schedule until further notice, yo. Maybe we’ll knock out a list of 4th of July drinks that will make you vomit off your balcony. Or not.

Here’s a terrible comic to cheer you up.

CHyjB12

 

 

Cape Ann GOP Names Gloucester Native Babson Its Patron Saint

GLOUCESTER—With the 2016 election cycle churning into gear, Cape Ann GOP—the local wing of the Massachusetts Republican Party—has chosen Roger Babson to be its official patron saint.

According to Cape Ann GOP chairman Ellis Pinkerton, the decision was made after the group reflected on the importance of Saint Peter to the City of Gloucester.

“For over 100 years, Gloucester’s fishing fleet has enjoyed the divine patronage of Saint Peter,” Pinkerton said on Friday from Cape Ann GOP headquarters. “If the engine of the city’s economy and touchstone of its cultural identity is good enough for a tutelary spirit, then why not us?”

CapeAnnGOP[Cape Ann GOP Headquarters in Gloucester]

“Let’s just hope that Roger Babson will be a little more on top of things than ol’ Pete,” added Christine Eastman, the group’s treasurer. “With only 12% of Essex County registering as Republican, we need all the help we can get.”

Born in Gloucester in 1875, Babson was an eminent figure in early 20th century American finance, and he went on to establish Babson College, which trains students for careers in business.

“Although Babson never affiliated with the GOP, there are tons of reasons why he’s a perfect fit for the modern Republican movement,” said Pinkerton. “Being a Wall Street tycoon is just one of them.”

Eastman pointed to Babson’s fondness for bow ties and his Colonel Sanders mustache. “He looked like a plantation master,” she said, “right here in the heart of New England!”

RogerBabson[Roger Babson in 1948]

Pinkerton also cited a local curiosity, the Babson Boulders, as another key factor in the group’s choice. In 1934, Babson commissioned out-of-work stonemasons to inscribe inspirational mottoes in naturally occurring granite throughout Dogtown Common, the densely wooded area in the center of Cape Ann.

Babson’s 36 mottoes include “Get a Job,” “Be Clean,” and “Keep Out of Debt.”

Pinkerton elaborated: “Being a hard-nosed businessman and advocate of the free market, Babson knew what people really needed during the Great Depression: not government handouts, but instead an assortment of condescending truisms carved into nearly inaccessible boulders.”

BabsonBoulder[One of the Babson Boulders in Dogtown]

“Plus, he treated Dogtown’s public land as his personal fiefdom,” Eastman said. “If there had been any environmentalists around in the 1930s, they would have been super pissed.”

According to Eastman, the only strike against Babson was his “regrettable” decision to use immigrant labor.

“But they were Finnish,” Pinkerton hastened to add. “So, you know. Not so bad.”

Any ambivalence was more than offset by other conservative bona fides, including Babson’s founding of the Gravity Research Foundation in 1948. Using his fortune, Babson hoped to give legitimacy to ‘gravitational shielding,’ an idea that was popular in science fiction but runs counter to both Newtonian theory and general relativity.

Eastman explained: “Babson really paved the way for millionaires to exercise their right to squander vast sums in support of quack science.”

Shaking his head, Pinkerton added: “Intelligent design? Climate change denial? Where would these movements be without Babson’s precedent?”

TuftsGravity[Gravity Research Foundation Monument at Tufts University]

Before settling on Babson, Cape Ann GOP considered a number of other local historical figures as potential saints.

“For a while, we were really fired up about Howard Blackburn,” Pinkerton said. “Nothing epitomizes the Republican ideal of self-reliance than a guy who, after being separated from the Socialist teat of his fishing schooner, rowed himself to Newfoundland.”

“But then we found out Blackburn did all that rowing while his dory mate just sat there, like some welfare queen,” Eastman said, throwing her hands up in disgust. “So what if the guy happened to be frozen to death?”

“Dealbreaker,” Pinkerton said.

So, how will Cape Ann GOP honor its new patron saint?

“St. Peter’s Fiesta seems pretty popular,” Eastman said. “So we’re thinking of something along those lines in the lead-up to the 2016 elections.”

“Of course, Babson was a prohibitionist,” Pinkerton added, looking off into the middle distance, where the traffic passed by on Washington Street. “We’re still working out the details.”

Best of Because Gloucester, Volume 3

Here’s a toast to the good, the bad, and the “what the fuck” Gloucester has to offer, straight from our spinoff Facebook group, Because Gloucester. We’ve covered some of the best in other editions of this post.

“parking on Washington St, a car comes careening into the space behind the one i’m currently parking in and smacks into my back bumper… driver proceeds to apologize and hit on me after his best budweiser belch… because Gloucester.”

bcglo9

 

 

 

bcglo8

 

 

No way, really?

No way, really?

At the water station in front of Dunks on Main Street...oh Gloucester

At the water station in front of Dunks on Main Street…oh Gloucester

 

Because Gloucester Parking.

Because Gloucester Parking.

Found on Rocky Neck - socks, shoes, and celery. As you do.

Found on Rocky Neck – socks, shoes, and celery. As you do.

 

bcglo2

 

 

 

Someone had a rough Fiesta.

Someone had a rough Fiesta.