There has been an ongoing semi-serious discussion in one of the Clam’s secret chat-lairs around how to attract media attention to the Mayoral Race here. It has all the elements of a hit reality show: Big personalities, political intrigue, Star Trek fandom, lunatics. The only thing holding us back from reaching out to a producer is finding a sure-fire mechanism to keep the per-episode fee from the city’s “Free Cash” fund, which has made the budgeting process a living nightmare.
Instead, as a public service and without endorsing anyone, we though we’d provide a handy guide to some of the more amusingly questionable campaign decisions made by the folks running for Gloucester’s highest office and in return you can help us out when, in retribution, the next mayor re-zones the lots behind our house as a “Beach Seaweed Compost Site.” Deal?
Great, then let’s Clamsplore!
Greg is running a generally mellow campaign. He’s an out Trekkie and we like that. But he’s running against the Roman Legionesque ground game of Sefatia Romeo Theken and will need to convert a lot of her voters to win. Question: does the Starship Enterprise truck being driven outside the confines of the Horribles Parade help or hinder? Discuss.
UPSIDE: Characterizing the opposition as “The Romeoulan Empire” would be epically awesome.
Paul has held the position of interim mayor on and off for a few years and president of the City Council. He knows the job and is pretty wonky, which is good. But he’s never run an opposed campaign and all over town are these:
No dis to whomever does the handmade signs, we firmly believe they are a folk-art native to Gloucester and are fascinated with them as such. But do they make more people want to vote for Paul? Magic Eight-ball says: “Reply hazy, try again later.”
The upside: Demonstrates fiscal responsibility by saving on printing costs.
Mayor Sefatia Romeo Theken
I would not be at all surprised if the physicists at CERN someday use the Hadron Supercollider to discover a ‘Sefatia Particle,’ which in the standard model will be the carrier of the “strong vote force.” If you look at historical totals the woman attracts votes the way my navy blazer collects pet hair. Her greatest weakness was the decision to break her promise not to run for mayor this cycle, thus putting her trust into question. Therefore, was the following image a good idea?
Most often campaigns choose to show the front of the candidate where the face is typically located. Additionally, seeing the back of the candidate arms outstretched to a crowd gives off an…um…we don’t know…
Upside: Gloucester could do with some loaves and fishes right about now.
Oooh boy. Where to start? So, we’ve lived here a couple of decades and have to admit never having heard of this guy until this year. We actually saw the picture of the last mayoral debate and had to ask, “Did a guy heading to the reception hall from a wedding accidentally wander into the Sawyer Free Library trying to buy some smokes, somehow winding up at the candidates’ table?”
This guy is a treasure trove of whack. Check out this 2007 GDT article on his for a summary of the cray.
Your beloved The Clam intends to do an entire post on the bulk-freighter of lunacy that is this particular fringe candidate, including excerpts from from his absolutely loonboots 400+ page memoir “Breach of Faith” which we will quote at length and you will collapse into a drool-soaked coma from laughing, trust us.
Note to readers: Do you have a full copy of this book? Get it to us and we will read it in its entirety and post about it, probably while drunk!
Upside: If you are one of those men who just wants to watch the world burn, look no further.
Mr. Ruberti has been running for mayor as long as I can remember. We used to love seeing his floats in the Horribles, which would always somehow incorporate his K-Car and some up-cycled scrap he’d found like an old carousel or a UFO he’d made from auto parts. His running for mayor became less funny a few years ago when it forced an unnecessary run-off election costing the city tens of thousands of dollars. I’m all for quirky, but that was pothole-repair and textbooks the city lost just to support his perennial joke candidacy.
“It’s not a joke!” you say? “How dare we?” you say? Well that leads us to Mr. Ruberti’s highlighted questionable electoral decision for election 2015. Apparently candidate Ruberti confirmed he’d be attending the September 3 debate at the Sawyer Free, but never showed up.
Look, we’re down with the rogue candidacy bit. But it’s not cool to have people accommodate you in the actual process that real candidates use to define how they would lead our city and not even bother to show up. We hate to say it, but if we are going to have more than one novelty candidate per cycle we need have to have a separate debate for them in a bar or something. There they can yell about chemtrails or how the red Chinese are infiltrating our water supply or how jet fuel can’t make steel burn or whatever, but at least not impede the rest of the process.
Upside: The Clam volunteers to moderate.
I’ve been waiting forever for someone to start a rouge campaign.
Max Factor or Sephora?
The Clam has once again put Gloucester politics under a kaleidoscope….well-done…
Frank is also host to Gloucester’s oldest Snow Plow Museum. His Mother’s house which he lives in on Lookout St. is flanked on all sides by snow plows from the early Clinton years, which he keeps in a state of loving preservation, and resists the urge to use even through winters like the one we just had. After I caught him letting the air out of my tires for parking in front of the place I went to his door, he answered it wearing a tiny silver speedo ball sling, evidently expecting someone else. He just said ‘Fuck you!’ and slammed the door. He still owes me $150.
I look very much forward to the full Camexposée.