1:20pm STORES ARE OUT OF ESSENTIAL SUPPLIES
Jim Dowd reporting from East Gloucester
Hello readers, I am not certain that my neighborhood better know as “Eglo” is ready for the tribulation to come. First off, no one can find any duck fat anywhere. I am worried about crowds of marauders possibly trying to break into Duckworth’s Bistro in search of it, just their very name is suggestive of its crisping deliciousness.
Second, though like any “Black Swan” event it all seems predictable in retrospect, how were we to know ukeleles did not perform well in the cold? Of course it makes sense NOW, they are obviously a tropical instrument in a temperate climate. Obvioulsy there would be adaptation issues, but who knew they would all go out of tune at the same time? If the power goes out I fear we shall have to switch to the recorder in order to perform the Wilco covers necessary to see us through the dark times ahead.
3:39 STORMTROOPERS ARE ON MOUNT PLEASANT AVE! I REPEAT, THERE ARE STOPRMTROOPERS ON MOUNT……*static*
Picket forces at the third marker near The Last Stop have reported AT-ATs approaching Gloucester! This is likely the vanguard force of the 501st Imperial Legion led by Major General Maximilian Veers. They will head for the power generators first, taking down the turbines at the Blackburn Industrial Center then head toward downtown. The evacuation point is O’Maley where transports will be waiting. And yes, it only takes two X-Wings to escort them because duh, ion cannon.
Good Luck and may the Force be with you.