Kt Updates From Vacation

Yo, Clams and Clamettes! I’m hollering at you from sunny Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I’m on the 19th floor of a sweet-ass apartment building my friends live in, and they’re the kind of responsible adults who have a guest bedroom, so here I am. I’m here without my husband and kids for my birthday, which is kind of freakin’ awesome, although I miss their faces. I’ve never really been to Fort Lauderdale, just Miami once and that place was oddly terrifying. Lamborghinis and pastel-colored neon signs and shit.

But FLL is kind of like Gloucester. Hear me out!

1. Boat parade! This past Saturday was their yearly boat parade. Just like ours in Gloucester, everyone here puts lights all over their boats and goes down the river to the ocean. However, down here, the boats are mostly yachts and the parade’s grand marshall was Flo-Rida. Naturally. Also they had a Cheers boat that played the Cheers theme while it floated by. And a General Lee decorated boat that just blasted Black Betty on repeat, lest you forget you’re in fucking Florida.

Just like Gloucester!

Just like Gloucester!

2. Painted sidewalks. Actually, they have whole freakin’ painted intersections here. I’m not really sure how they get them to last, I assume they have to repaint them all the dang time. There are probably people down here whining about them, too.


Ooh, arty!

3. Art. There’s art here too. It’s just…different. Instead of our local collaboratives like the Hive, I keep passing fancypants “fine art” stores on my walks, and they all have the most garish shit imaginable.

I don't even know.

I don’t even know.

There are people that would buy this unironically. I don't want to know them.

There are people that would buy this unironically. I don’t want to know them.

EDIT: Also, I just realized there is a neighborhood called Lauderdale-By-The-Sea. NOT KIDDING.


That’s probably the end of the similarities, and I need to go relax after a hard day of doing nothing, so here:


You’re welcome.




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  1. As a former Gloucester resident living in Fort Lauderdale, welcome to paradise. Sorry about the weather – 75 and sunny in December.

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