The Gloucester Clam’s Tournament of Shitty Intersections, Day 3

Now that we’ve sufficiently pissed off a few folks over yesterday’s post, time to head back to our Tournament of Shitty Intersections! We’re almost through the first round!


Maplewood/Railroad/Prospect vs Washington St @ High St

Maplewood & Railroad‘s intersection with Prospect Street better win this fucking competition (although, fucking Tally’s corner, right?). I live around the corner and used to commute this way when our shop was on Maplewood. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. What a goddamn flaming barge of trashbags this intersection is. You know what the fucking worst part is? When folks coming from Maplewood block the intersection for those turning from Prospect onto Railroad, and before you know it NO ONE CAN MOVE AND EVERYONE IS BEEPING AND GESTICULATING WILDLY. Save me, Cthulhu. It’s worse now that you can’t cut through the Shaw’s lot easily. No one understands what the fuck the purpose of the random buoy is, as I’m pretty sure a fucking old buoy from the goddamned ocean is not DOT approved but MAYBE I AM WRONG.

Washington & High up in Lanesville is one that I don’t use too much, but Jim added in because he’s lived up there and wanted to include more than just downtown stuff. Its giant drawback is that it’s pretty much a 90 degree angle that you have to take at about .001 MPH or risk smashing into either another car or a stone wall. Meanwhile, it’s around a curve, so some giant truck will whallop you in the ass if you slow down to actually cut the corner correctly. Well done. Jolly good. Etc.

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Joan of Arc vs Pond/Eastern/Witham

The Joan of Arc crappersection is kind of like a rotary in that you have to go around it, but it’s the exact opposite because people exiting from Washington onto Middle and those coming up Washington from Rogers/Main have the right of way. Add in tourists, the American Legion, and folks coming from Middle street by the YMCA, and it’s just a mess. Just yesterday morning I was stuck there for five minutes because a crane truck coming from Middle accidentally snagged a telephone cable and didn’t realize it until everyone started honking in terror, and I almost started drinking at 10 AM. If you’re unfortunate enough to try to use it to make a u-turn, practice your angry screaming in the mirror first.

Pond/Eastern/Witham. I don’t know about you, but this intersucktion (ha!) has a personal, gnawing level of hatred for me. Because I have a love for thrift shopping, I am often turning into and out of Pond Rd to go to Second Glance, and almost every dang time it’s like taking your life in your hands. Ditto trying to turn out of Witham, the opposite street from Pond. For a reason I don’t quite understand, people seem to disregard the “35 mph! please god” signage and go by at about 88 MPH, maybe trying to get back to 1955 or whatever. On the flip side, if you’re going straight, the chances someone will put on their left blinker midway through the intersection and slam on their brakes so you pee your pants in fear are approximately 99%. How does that happen? “Just drivin’ down 127, OH YEAH POND ROAD THAT’S WHERE I WORK!”

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One Comment

  1. The green buoy ending of Maplewood is a no brainer win. Now the second one, Joan of Arc duking it with Pond Eastern Witham is a surprise. People have to gauge this on a carnage index. Way more potential for carnage as someone from Rockport sweeps left to take Witham so they can back road to the party at Rocky Neck. Way more speed involved compared to the slow motion merry go round looking up at Joanie, “Hey when they gonna replace her sword?”

    In fact, I think they should dig the green can out of the ground at Maplewood and stick it in the middle of the Eastern/Pond/Witham intersection so people can’t cut the corner on the huge expanse of tar and get hung out to dry by a townie driving you off the road because you misbehaved.

    And also a future prospect of carnage should also be noted. When Common Crow sits on that corner adding non gluten organic hippies looking for their non GMO Chai Tea, there will be blood.

    I’m still holding out for a five corners write in from that Gloucester village called Rockport.

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