Our ALS Challenge Video – And The Other Lesser Known Charity Challenges.

With all the ALS Icewater Challenge videos on our news feed this week we knew some asshole would eventually call us out to participate. That asshole turned out to be Travis Grandon. So this is our video.

Oh, crap. That didn’t work out as expected. Stay tuned later in the week when we actually send a check, unlike everyone else.

Yes. Yes, we do exactly that. Because America.

While the Icewater Challenge has become all the Internet rage, we here at The Gloucester Clam wanted to bring to the attention all the other challenges that didn’t get as popular.

The Ice Water Challenge EXTREME XGAMES EDITION: Instead of nominating friends, you locate them during their normal course of a business day, hit them in the face with a bucket of ice and water, and while they are stunned, you steal their wallet and donate $10 or $100 to charity, depending on the quality and quantity of swearing emanating from their cold, wet face region.

The Baconbutter Challenge: Eat a whole stick of butter wrapped in bacon and deep-fried in lard or donate $100 to the American Heart Association. This fell out of favor after the first few challenge participants had to undergo triple bypass surgery.

We thought we were kidding when we wrote that. You are a cruel mistress, google.

The Gloucester Challenge: Eat an entire tuna or donate $100 to the Gloucester Fisherman’s Wives Association. No one successfully completed the challenge and all the soy and wasabi in town was out of stock for two weeks. Thanks to the Market Basket debacle, they have not returned to shelves.

 The Yellowcake Uranium Challenge: Dump a bucket of uranium over your head or donate $100 to the Chernobyl Children’s Fund.  This was thankfully called off when Homeland Security was alerted to dozens of well-built gymgoers showing up at Seabrook and asking to borrow some uranium for a minute or two, bro.

It’s a weapon of mass deliciousness

 The Nickelback Challenge: Listen to Nickelback nonstop for two hours or donate $100 to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. All participants who successfully completed the challenge reported needing to seek a therapist for short-term help.

The Just Donate What You Can To Charities Of Your Personal Choosing Challenge: Once a popular challenge for decades, this challenge is poised to make a comeback after everyone is tired of seeing videos of dozens of people they know getting water dumped on them.

I guess we’re supposed to nominate someone else or something? Fine. The Clam nominates North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un and all the living members of Electric Light Orchestra, past and present.

Icewater? Screw that. I’m going to douse myself with a slurry made from platinum and the gallbladders of pandas