Today’s guest post is from Adam Kuhlmann who explores the Gloucester businessscape if it were freed from the shackles of context.
Tony Tally’s Petroleum World 27 Maplewood Avenue
What it is:
A full-service gas and vehicle inspection station, consisting of four pumps and a repair bay, owned by the patriarch of the Taliadoros family
What it sounds like:
Michael Bay takes his kids to the Shore
A garish amusement park, endorsed by a NASCAR champion and underwritten by the Saudi royal family, celebrating the wonders of gasoline and related hydrocarbons. Visitors can seek thrills on a variety of attractions, including Frack Mountain and The Kerosene River, as long as they adhere to the park’s strict no-smoking policy.
Nails Club 50 Maplewood Avenue
What it is:
A beauty salon staffed by brisk, efficient technicians offering little conversation and a basic pedi for just $26.00.
What it sounds like:
A Berlin discotheque, specializing in a genre of trance music punctuated by the sounds of a construction site.
DJ Safetybarrel rips it, ja?
The Mexican Touch 185 Washington Street
What it is:
A take-out restaurant whose frugal menu includes burritos, empanadas, quesadillas, and—claro que sí—Black Forest cake
What it sounds like:
A storefront in Tijuana that you hustled your kids past, after a fellow in rhinestone chaps tried to lure them inside to take a peek at his burro.
DO NOT look this up on Urban Dictionary…oops, there you go. Suit yourself
G33K 130 Main Street
What it is:
A retailer of every type of game and game accessory, including costumes of Xbox characters immediately recognizable by the palest 1% of the population
What it sounds like:
An internet start-up that, in an ill-conceived attempt to summon disruptive innovation, you enlisted your 16-month-old niece to brand. Clutching your tablet computer in her sticky hands, she swatted at these four characters.
A cat would have also worked for this gag
Raf’s Bait Wagon Transient
What it is:
A gentleman with a handlebar mustache who has modified his weather-beaten van so that he can cut, store, sell, and advertise fresh herring
What it sounds like:
See above.
Pretty much