9 Signature Gloucester Cocktails to Spice Up Your Memorial Day

By the Clam Contributors – James Dowd, KT and guest Len Pal

Memorial Day is about remembering those who served. We intend to run a more earnest bit this weekend honoring some of the many, many men and women who kicked ass and made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. As we were pondering what to write, we poured ourselves a generous toast to them all. It’s what Hemingway would have done.

This got us to thinking, why are there no signature Gloucester cocktails? Why no drinks that really bring out the character of the diverse melting pot/poorly supervised asylum that is Gloucester? So we made some up. YOU’RE WELCOME.

THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL CITY FOLKS (photo courtesy of Cape Ann Images)

THIS IS A TOTALLY NORMAL CITY, FOLKS. LA LA LA. (photo courtesy of Cape Ann Images)

The Greasy Pole

  • Oak barrel whiskey
  • Sea salt
  • Drizzle rim of glass with mixture chocolate and Karo Syrup
  • Splash of Amaretto

The Lanesville

  • Finnish Vodka
  • Granite dust
  • Bitters

(To be drunk alone)

The Fort


The Maplewood

  • Monster energy drink
  • 1 crushed Suboxone
  • 2 blister packs Sudafed
  • Handful of pixie sticks
  • 1 bottle prescription cough syrup
  • 1 quart denatured laboratory alcohol
  • Slushie syrup (purple preferred)
  • Another Monster energy drink

Served mixed together in a stolen Styrofoam cooler set on fire

Still needs Monster. I'm on it.

Still needs Monster. I’m on it.







The Man at the Wheel

  • A handful of Altoids mints
  • Just one beer like three hours ago honestly officer


The East Gloucester

  • Organic heirloom carrot juice
  • Kale
  • Man tears
  • Your testicles, dried and powdered
I was human once, like you

I was human once, like you









The Teen*

  • Vodka from stepmom’s liquor cabinet
  • ½ bottle blue Powerade

Serve in bottle walking around yelling and falling down

*We have been told this is a real thing oh god why


The Ocean View Inn

  • Take patron’s money, close bar and run
When can I open my eyes?

When can I open my eyes?

The Roadside

  • Large DD iced coffee
  • Kahlua nip
  • Can of Nattie Ice

Mix together and drink through five scratched lottery tickets rolled up together like a straw

Enjoy these fine concoctions and post your own in the comments. Have a great long weekend everyone and thanks for making The Clam such a huge success.