swim with your mouth closed

You ever look at seawater under a microscope? There is a ton of stuff going on that’s invisible from a distance. Creatures that look like they came out of a Guillermo del Toro movie, weird polypy things, what is even that squiggly stuff? Anyway, this is Gloucester, today. We have all kinds of things going on that no one is talking about. Some of it is weird and exciting, much of it is boring but immensely important. We’re like biologists before the microscope. Actually, more accurately, we’re like scientists after the microscope was taken away and for some unknown reason and the science of biology is now being conducted by blind, angry people shouting at each other. With spittle. There is a lot of spittle. So we’re going to try and turn the microscope back on. Sure, we’re going to do some of the shouting, but at least we’ll have an informed point of view. You wanna help? Go to a meeting, an event a hearing. Get some info and write it up for us. Have an opinion, fine. But at least get the data.


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  1. I just discovered The Clam. Awesome. How long have you been doing this?

  2. Oh, great, so I haven’t missed much!! Will go back and get caught up now!!


  4. Holy crap, Jim. My bro forwarded me your Mkt Basket post and I couldn’t stop reading and laughing. The writing felt so oddly familiar that it was a relief to realize it was like listening to you or John. I’m gonna get my 82 year old mother online so she can read your stuff and be proud of being a “Gloucester girl.” Hope the fam’s well, and Ella/Max send their best

    • Thanks! But remember the MB posts are by my most amazing co-blogger KT Toomey. Hey to everybody!!

      • And they ARE great. I have been turning on my “outside mass” Facebook followers on the whole MB Saga as it unfolds. Kathleen gave me what NO news organization has to date. A concise, detailed and entertaining account of his business’ history. Shame on the Globe for their attempt to compete with Kt with their riveting articles, all of which basically tell the reader “It’s old”.

  5. Kristine Cambria

    I just discovered The Clam and I can’t stop reading it!

  6. This blog is hysterical. I got hooked on the Market Basket post and kept reading. Originally from NH and MA, but I’m reading this and following it down here in Atlanta GA. Keep up the great work.

  7. Love this how do I subscribe!!

  8. Keep telling me F’ing the news and all the other goddamn shit going down in the area, and I’ll keep on reading. I love this blog.

  9. Thank you so much for your humorous commentary on the Market Basket mess. Thank god for your blog.

  10. Why have you stopped identifying who wrote what?

  11. Great stuff!

  12. Looking forward to more Clams. A friend from Santa Fe, N.M. sent me the link to your site…I live in Gloucester! By way of the desert high mesa to Ipswich Bay I now can enjoy your searingly good satire. Snark on!

  13. How can you validate the recent news of Ayn Rand dying recently and not in 1980s?
    -Thank you

  14. Is this site still active?

  15. We just want to thank you for your intelligence, humor, kindness, determination and panache! You are helping us celebrate and deal with this paradise in which we live. Kirstin Martin

  16. KT – the hate song posts keep me sane. I thought I was alone. More please!!!!!!!!!

  17. Ellen Solomon (Jim Dowd's aunt and proto mother)

    Please subscribe me to the Clam!

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