A List of the 20 Best Names of Registered Presidential Candidates


Guess what, nerds? Turns out the Federal Election Commission’s website has a list of all individuals who submitted Statements of Candidacy to be considered for the job of President of the good ol’ USA. (America! Fireworks! Eagle!) Yes, my friends, each one of these is registered to get YOUR vote this November. Here’s a list of potential nominees we totally could have gotten instead of Ted Cruz, Zodiac Killer:

  1. Osama Bin Liftin
  2. Dat Phat A$$
  3. Nostalgia Critic
  4. Disco Daddy
  5. Tipa Dis Dick
  6. Tronald Dump
  7. Alexander “Soy Sauce and Taters” Gordh (Prohibition Party)
  8. Lucille Hamster
  9. Fredrickson Asshat Kazoo
  10. Doctor Pepper
  11. Tarquin Poontang Ole Biscuit Barrel 
  12. Dick Your Mom Pound
  13. Ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage
  14. Seattle Seachickens Suck
  15. Left Shark
  16. Butt Stuff
  17. Ponzi Schemes Suck 
  18. Luther T, The Merciless Warlord Stock
  19. Why Not Zoidberg
  20. Carly Fiorina
Bookmark the permalink.


  1. What do I do…vote Butt Stuff or Why Not Zoidberg? This is a tough call.

  2. No Vermin on this list?
    “Vermin Supreme: Why Not The Worst?”

  3. Yeah! Where is the Vermin??

Comments are closed