Guess what, nerds? Turns out the Federal Election Commission’s website has a list of all individuals who submitted Statements of Candidacy to be considered for the job of President of the good ol’ USA. (America! Fireworks! Eagle!) Yes, my friends, each one of these is registered to get YOUR vote this November. Here’s a list of potential nominees we totally could have gotten instead of Ted Cruz, Zodiac Killer:
- Osama Bin Liftin
- Dat Phat A$$
- Nostalgia Critic
- Disco Daddy
- Tipa Dis Dick
- Tronald Dump
- Alexander “Soy Sauce and Taters” Gordh (Prohibition Party)
- Lucille Hamster
- Fredrickson Asshat Kazoo
- Doctor Pepper
- Tarquin Poontang Ole Biscuit Barrel
- Dick Your Mom Pound
- Ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage
- Seattle Seachickens Suck
- Left Shark
- Butt Stuff
- Ponzi Schemes Suck
- Luther T, The Merciless Warlord Stock
- Why Not Zoidberg
- Carly Fiorina
What do I do…vote Butt Stuff or Why Not Zoidberg? This is a tough call.
No Vermin on this list?
“Vermin Supreme: Why Not The Worst?”
Yeah! Where is the Vermin??