A List of Other Controversial Topics The Clam Takes A Stance On

We’ve really pissed off a few folks this week so far (And it’s  only freakin’ TUESDAY so we’re on quite the roll), so let’s just get it all out of the way right now. We’re not exactly tepid bathwater with our opinions here at the Clam. Apparently a few people just now realized we have a slight liberal bent. Also did you know we swear?

Anyway, let’s just get all the hate out right now. Here’s some other polarizing subjects we take a hardline stance on.


1. Bunnies are cute.



2. Babies smell good.

3. Eating healthy food and exercising regularly is a good idea for pretty much everyone.

4.  Cleaning up your dog’s crap is a thing you are supposed to do, and you’re a dick if you don’t.

5. Every child in this country has a right to quality free education.

6. Nobody really truly enjoys the sound of a recorder.

toodly doot hope you like headaches

toodly doot hope you like headaches

7. Diving into shallow water is a bad idea and should be discouraged.

8. Feeding children cocaine is not something a good parent does at all.

9. Staying in your lane while driving is critical to road safety.

10. Getting the blue shell in Mario Kart is immensely satisfying.


Hear that, folks? Get your long-winded, over-punctuated (!!!!!) comments out now, while the getting’s good!


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  1. ‘Staying in your lane’ is nice…but far less important than ‘GETTING OUT OF THE FUCKING PASSING LANE WHEN YOU’RE NOT PASSING’. This is aimed lovingly at all Rte.128 Ass-hogs who bugger up the proper traffic flow for everybody.
    Younger women, especially, take note. (…there – see? Sexism on The Clam!)

    Also…I’ll take a recorder any day over a violin (as played by a child) or, (dare I say it) a ukulele played by anybody other than George Formby. Or that guy who used to be in a cool band with his brother, who has spikey hair and now plays children’s music and makes ass-loads of money being all “Brooklyn Cool”.

    I shall now leave Gloucester before I am hounded out.

  2. Its early. I’m tired from work and I’m laughing my ass off!! What!! Librrulls??

  3. That would be Dan Zanes of the Del Fuegos, no?

  4. #4 – Yes! But there’s a person or persons in my neighborhood who bags the dog poop but then inexplicably leaves the poop-filled bag on the roadside. What’s up with that? It’s not cleaning up after your dog – plus littering.

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