Now that we’re all hungover from our Columbus Day weekend (yay for subjugation of a native population!), let’s get back to our important work: voting for the crappiest intersection in Gloucester.
Flanagan Square vs Main/Eastern
Flanagan Square beat the metric piss out of Washington/Railroad in the first round. It’s no surprise why – everyone loves a three-way stop where only one lane inexplicably doesn’t have to stop, so folks new to the intersection get creamed when they make the innocent mistake of thinking that like most responsible intersections, EVERYONE HAS TO STOP. And then there’s the folks coming from Prospect who block the box. THOSE PEOPLE ARE TERRIBLE AND SHOULD HAVE THEIR DICKS KICKED OFF. It gums up the whole awful intersection, and then two of the busiest streets in town are all fucked up. Trying to turn left is the absolute worst, though, because NO ONE LETS YOU GO. I sometimes take the 128 extension to get to East Gloucester even though it’s like 4 miles longer, just to avoid this stupid turn. Awful. If the entire square plunged into the ocean tomorrow, I’d probably cheer.
Meanwhile, Eastern/Main has its own terribleness making it a serious contender in this contest. Why on earth do tourists coming from Main think they need to stop or yield to folks coming/going from Eastern? They get a fistful of beep from me every time, but they never learn. A secondary burst of awfulness from this intersection is that about 1500 feet before the turn, if you DARE take up the middle of the lane when it’s still one lane, people assume you’re turning left and will attempt to pass you on the right, usually taking up the bike lane to do so. Then, when you try to correct your one-foot-to-the-left mistake, they look at you like you’re an idiot. Dude, wait till I actually commit – it will be like seven feet from now, seriously.
I’m in Suburban New Jersey for a family thing and not being snarky is just going to happen.
Hey Clamistas, here is the longform bit I wrote for Good Morning Gloucester about the 3D printer build at O’Maley Innovation Middle School over the weekend.
If you somehow missed the first round of the Tournament of Crappy Intersections, fear not! Here is round 2 in all its glory, for your voting pleasure. Each day, we’ll square one intersection off against another, until we have crowned THE SHITTIEST INTERSECTION IN GLOUCESTER.
Centennial/Washington vs. Tally’s Corner
Centennial/Washington handily took out its opponent, Barn Ln & Eastern Ave, in the first round. And that’s probably because Centennial/Washington is like stubbing your bare toe on rough concrete steps. It has danger at every turn. You know who sucks the worst? The fuckers parked on Washington in front of Tony’s Variety who just pull right out into traffic without looking at all. That helps this intersection be manageable, for sure. I thought literally like 7 years ago there was supposed to be a light going in at that corner, but instead we have random broken glass from every dipshit that drives straight into every other dipshit on a weekly basis. Why aren’t we setting up a camera here and getting rich off selling the traffic drama to Rob Dyrdeck?
Tally’s Corner was the obvious landslide winner over Essex/Western/Kent Circle. It was almost a bye round for The Corner of Doom. Oh, Tally’s Corner, you’re just a fucking hot mess, aren’t you? Are you a rotary? No, you’re not. But sometimes people from out of town sorta think you are. Boy, thank god we don’t have a thriving visitor economy. I would like to know what kind of mischievous turd was responsible for the planning of this intersection, so I can punch him or her square in the dong(ette). Tally’s also loves parking their giant trucks obstructing the sidewalk (in Gloucester, parking/driving rules only apply to transplants, duh), so now you have to deal with pedestrians also trying to navigate the fuckery within the circle. And Commercial Street. Lord, leaving the Fort is like fording the snake river with your oxen. No wonder its a close-knit community – it takes like an hour to leave.
Our good friend and Clam supporter Hallie from Turtle Alley came up with a brilliant idea the other day. “I’d be good at writing three-word restaurant reviews,” she said. Turns out, she was absolutely correct. So we teamed up to gather some of the best three-word reviews we could muster for some of Gloucester’s eating establishments. Here’s a few examples:
Duckworth’s: Best in town!
Short & Main: Patrons from Hamilton
House of Mitch: Bad Life Choice
Dogbar: Tall People Beware
But we here at the Clam realized that we needed help. And that’s where you come in. Craft your own 3-word review of your favorite joints in town. Best ones get a Clam sticker and we’ll list ’em in a future post!
Leave ’em in the comments. Or don’t, see if I care.