Gloucester Clam’s Tournament of Shitty Intersections: Finishin’ Up Round 2!

Welcome back to our Tournament of Shitty Intersections, where we face off Gloucester’s worst intersections bracket-style until only one remains. We’ve already eliminated 8 of the weaker (and therefore safer!) intersections. Let’s knock it down to 4, shall we?


Poplar/Washington vs Sayward/Bass/Brightside.

Poplar and Washington’s clusterfuck beat out my personal favorite worst intersection: Centennial & Emerson. Perhaps it’s only me that almost dies there literally 3 times a day. WHATEVER, PEOPLE. Poplar and Washington deserves its spot, however. Have you ever actually successfully turned left from Washington onto Poplar? It takes about nine months to do and you’ll still narrowly avoid being T-boned by a work van flying off the rotary like they’re matter being flung into the atmosphere by a dying star. My personal advice is to put the passengers you like the least (mothers in law, most annoying of your child’s soccer teammates) on the right side of the vehicle. I actually bike this when I need to go to my doctor’s office and pretend I’m a healthy individual, and it’s terrifying. TERRIFYING.

Sayward/Bass/Brightside narrowly edged out Norman & Magnolia Avenues to advance to the second round. JUST KIDDING IT WAS A FUCKING LANDSLIDE. You know what the most obnoxious thing about that intersection is (besides “all of it”)? The folks who use the right lane and then turn left like they didn’t realize where they were going until it was too late (bullshit). Those people need to be launched directly into the ocean at a speed unsustainable for human life. Also, people coming from Brightside are irritating, because they skip the whole “waiting in line” thing AND take your break in traffic since they have the right of way. Mostly I’m mad because I’ve lived here and my kid goes to EGS but I still don’t really have a clue how to navigate to actually come down Brightside. I also feel like people on Bass Ave actually fucking speed up sometimes to not let you go, because they are unrelentant sociopaths.

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One Comment

  1. I can’t believe you don’t appreciate the beauty of the two car left turn from Sayward onto Bass. It’s like watching military planes which, unlike their commercial counterparts, aren’t afraid to land in formation. It’s not only elegant, it’s economically sound – people are being efficient and putting that underutilized right lane to work improving traffic flow (not to mention the potential shot in the arm to local car repair businesses and the associated multiplier effect). And p.s. it’s the people coming down Brightside who are the sociopaths, unleashing their pent up frustration at being trapped up there by coming out like it’s a bobsled chute…

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