Aw jeez guys let’s pretend I missed the seafaring antics of our favorite Gloucester celebrities in the Wicked Tuna crew while waiting for North vs South to get to Hulu. If you’re a new follower to the blog, I do a recap of Wicked Tuna usually while drinking, and by the end of it I am usually yelling at my TV.
So here’s the premise: pretty much everyone but Dave Carraro’s Tuna.com (who made all the dollars) still needs cash, so they all go down to the Outer Banks to extend their fishing season. Look, we’ve got new boats! And there’s some perceived drama between the Gloucester fleet and the natives!
We start off with a boat full of Southerners with boats like the “Fishin’ Frenzy” saying stuff like “we’re jacked up and we’re goin’ fishin!” and “God willin’, we’ll put a fish on this deck!” Oh my god, this is going to be a long fucking season.
The storyline starts off with some unintelligible conversation, and then the guy with the face up there starts LITERALLY SHOOTING THE FUCKING WATER. WITH A GUN. A CAMOUFLAGE GUN. This guy was like “Yes, National Geographic, I will most definitely appear on your reality show! But, within the first minutes of filming, you must let me shoot at the water.” I have a headache, I cannot deal with why this is happening.
Over on another boat, one of the captains is literally praying over the CB radio. I take a deep breath and finish my beer.
Wait, GUYS. GUYS. There’s a fishing spot down there called… wait for it…
After some more horrifically boring introductions of boats I could give two shits about, the Hot Tuna appears, and all the boaters are just STUNNED. “Why’s he here?” I don’t know, did you ask the name of the show you are appearing on? Maybe the “Wicked Tuna” would have given it away? Did you notice there was a camera guy on your boat? I mean seriously, everyone is wearing camouflage so you literally may not have noticed.
Right behind him is the Haahd Merchandise. Dave isn’t smoking! Maybe he quit! He probably did not.
So it’s day one, and the Hot Tuna is the first to catch a fish, and I spend an interminable amount of time (that I’ll never get back, mind you) watching them try to spear this thing in its face. Next up is CamoBoat, who get two fish at once, and then explain to the camera for the next few minutes how getting two fish at once works.
Finally, GodBoat literally prays for fish, which I mean, I guess whatever floats your boat. I’m an atheist, so I would choose a more pragmatic plan of attack, but I guess praying is a pretty good alternate strategy. I guess it works, and they swear a lot, catch the fish, and then harpoon it violently. And then they drink moonshine.
I am serious.
All the boats drop their catches off, and TJ from the Hot Tuna exclaims, “were getting right back on the meat!” Meaning they’re going back to work immediately. I giggled, because I’m twelve.
Another Hard Merchandise scene, and Dave isn’t smoking yet. I’m getting a little concerned. They get a bite, and start immediately yelling “IT’S A TUNA! A TUNA!” Yes. It’s a tuna. You are a fisherman. This shouldn’t surprise you into screaming. Calm down, gosh.
Over on another boat, someone yells “WE NEED THIS FISH!” and I’m honestly surprised it’s taken 35 minutes to get to that line. I drink.
Finally, the episode ends, and I can get back to my regular life. Phew.
A copy of the casting call for the southern boats:
“Seeking: the worst stereotypes of southern people who are also tuna fishermen. Must be willing to embarrass yourself and region by playing up preconceived notions of how southerners behave.”