Brooke Welty needs to get her own dang login, so she can post this awesomeness and get the mad cred she deserves for writing this brilliance.
For the first in a series of hopefully many. I’ll be stopping random humans through the city, so please know that if I stop you, it’s legit and you’re not going to end up on some weird fetish site. Not by my hand, anyway.
For the rest of my interviews, I’ll be stopping to chat with actual humans (mostly) but I thought I would start out with one of those who we share our fair city with.
ME: “Were you born in Gloucester, or did you migrate?”
TIM: “Oh, I was born here. I’m a true islander. My family has been here for oh…thousands of years I would guess. One of my great grandmothers actually nested in the Babson house’s chimney.”
ME: “What do you think about the decline in Gloucester’s fishing industry? Is it affecting your family?”
TIM: “Oh, yeah it is. I mean, I get it. Less fish means fewer fishermen, means less fish parts for us to steal. I just wish the government had taken measures to prevent this from happening decades ago. They should have seen it coming, but your kind tends to put on blinders to future problems, am I right? We’re managing, though. We get by. This new hotel down the fort will help, bringing in more tourists. More trash, you know.”
ME: “What’s your favorite thing about Gloucester?
TIM: “Oh, the seafood, definitely. If you go the right time of day, you can get whole fish heads right off the dock over at Capt. Joes. We haven’t got much cod fishing any more, but lobstering is still going, so I get plenty from those guys. Nothing like snatching a half eaten lobster or some fries from people,too.”
ME: “What is one thing you think Gloucester could really do to improve things?”
TIM: “An Indian restaurant would be nice.”
We’re not going to solve the IRC (Indian Restaurant Crisis) until residents demand that our elected officials pass the Tandoori litmus test… I implore voters to refuse to vote for any municipal candidate for Mayor or the City Council who does not, in the first paragraph of their platform, fully commit to the permitting and grand opening of a proper Indian restaurant (with delivery) within the city limits of Gloucester. I don’t really think it’s too much to ask.
I know this Tim. He hangs at Joey’s dock saying “Naan naan naan naan.” I thought he had a speech impediment. Now I get it. He just would like a little naan to mop up the herring guts.