We’re back with another episode of Wicked Tuna, aka “The Yell n Reel Fish Jamboroo”. If you’re unfamiliar with the blog, I recap episodes of Wicked Tuna (far behind when they actually aired, mind you) from the lens of someone who has never been fishing and understands none of the intricate plot of this show. I lied, there’s no intricate plot. Let’s see what the sea can cough up this week, shall we?
We start off with Stonerboat, my favorite. Immediately, there’s a flashback to last year when Stonerboat Captain Tyler filled up a water balloon and beefed some other guy in the back of the head with it from like 200 feet. While the guy was inside his own boat’s wheelhouse. Across open ocean. Why the fuck is this guy fishing for a living and not a goddamn Army sniper? Anyway I enjoy this, because this is the shit I would do if anyone let me out on the open ocean. So naturally the dude in the other boat got really steamed about being donked in the dome, and pushed Tyler, who was naturally barefoot at the time are we even surprised. This year, every time they see him they pelt him with water balloons, which makes my inner 12 year old super stoked.
The other boat’s captain, whose name is Ralph or Chunk or something, calls them “a bunch of rich kids on Adderall”, which is honestly the best plotline this show has so maybe just roll with it, oceanfolk.
It seems like everyone’s in comedy mode, because over in some other part of the ocean, the Hot Tuna goes up alongside the Dot Com and gives one of the deckhands crap for wearing camouflage Grundens. “Are you elk hunting? Are you afraid the tuna will see you?” Sick burn from a guy with the same haircut as Raggedy Ann.
Over on the Hebertboat (Can we call it Hebort?), Paul announces that “ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!” and what happens is that they catch a fish while the Dot Com looks on – the boat who fired him last year. It’s at that point I notice that Garon Mailman, the dude with the awesome name on the Dot Com, has a hat that’s embroidered with “Mailman Delivers.” I see what you did there. However, the Dot Com doesn’t deliver and loses a tuna in some lobster gear. WHY ARE YOU SO CLOSE TO LOBSTER GEAR THE OCEAN IS VAST LAST TIME I CHECKED MAYBE START FISHING LIKE AN EXTRA HUNDRED YARDS AWAY GUYS GOSH.
On the Hot Tuna, more people describe why they hate the Pinwheel (probably a backstory involving a misplaced bong or a stolen case of Cheezits). Both boats simultaneously (according to editing, anyway) catch a fish, and everybody throws down their Cool Ranch Doritos Now With 30% More Free and reels like there’s no tomorrow. And then both boats realized they’ve actually caught a shark instead, and they crack open a Natty Light in solace.
Back on Hebort, the brothers are really shitting on poor Junior, the deckhand dude, because he missed a harpoon shot and isn’t driving the boat in the precise manner they are screaming towards him. You think? They’re screaming “Don’t fuck this up!” I would have just dropped them both in the ocean and powered home with my middle fingers to the wind, but that’s why I don’t fish for a living. Or have a boss. But they get the stupid giant fish and all goes well.
The next segment is the Dot Com catching a fish, which is too boring to possibly recap so I won’t even bother. The Hard Merchandise gets one right as Dave is lighting his seventh cigarette of the morning, the Hot Tuna’s adorable dog starts eating bait fish, and Stonerboat, out of ideas, settles on a “Flying V” formation of throwing bait (I am dead serious). More shit is talked. The episode ends, and I can live my life again.
Until next time, KTuna signing off.